Clubbing report - not

I pretty much knew it when I left the house on Saturday to make my way out to South London - the clubbing night wouldn't happen, at least not with me.

It was nice to see Jules again, he's just returned from his India trip, and Gregg and Anna of course. But the urge to call our dealer never really kicked in, and all I could think of was the horrible 3 hours between the last line and finally being able to sleep. And the crap day I'd have had on Sunday. So there you go. No clubbing, no drugs, and oh boy I enjoyed falling asleep that night without any problems.

We did discuss it briefly tho - what it does to you, and why users usually say it's overrated. The same for 'shrooms, pills, you name it. After years there's one thing I know - it's all in the inside.

Kitchen - check

Phew, made it, eventually - the kitchen is done! After scraping off the adhesive from the tiles, two layers of sealer and another two layers of colour intensifier I had a bad headache from the fumes but - it looks fantantastic!

Things happen... fast

Last week I started sending out my CV, just to see what response I get - well a good one obviously, as phone calls have started coming in.

The best of them from a company located near Portsmouth... I had a chat with the ma'm from the employment agency, and apparently I've ticked all her client's boxes - and I liked what she said about the company so I've asked her to pass on my details.

Portsmouth. Would I consider living there, would he come with me, would I leave without him? ... First things first - average train ticket to Waterloo is £20 and it takes only 1.5 hours - so I'd keep my season ticket.

Everything else needs sorting out, but by the looks of it - the party has started!

Weather forecast

Oh do fuck off... Temperatures will slowly fall from today's 31C to 27C on Saturday, until we finally get some rain on Sunday and the temperature at night fall below 18C. It's not fucking funny anymore, it's too cunting hot, I have a headache being airconned all day and once I leave the office I have to share the tube with a billion of sweaty and stinking peope stealing the fresh air I deserve after a hard day's work.

Alright, I'm bored, and there's no fresh air in the tube anyway, but please, can we have some fucking rain, please!

Say goodbye

So I've cleaned up my act, and it's time to say goodbye to my old life full of drugs, booze and men... I was thinking of having a proper send off this weekend with my man not being around, get my old mates all geared up and ready for one last big bash.

I've mentioned such thing to A and he wasn't overjoyed (can't blame him), but I have to do it. I'll probably end up leaving the party before midnight, stone sober and bored, because it's so not my scene anymore... but I want to, because I can.

Because you never held me back, you keep me from leaving.

No rush

I was pretty nervous this Friday, after we had our first big row last week, and I wasn't quite sure what to expect... Certainly not this: "What would you think if I moved down South".

So, three days and a lot of talking later he's handed in his notice today, starts looking for a new job, thinks of living in St. Albans or somewhere closer to London, we will move in a place together by the end of the year and I still can't believe this is all happening.

In the meantime, I've sent off a couple of applications myself, just to test my market rate - let's see what happens. St Albans is a place I could imagine settling down (I haven't lived in a place for longer than 18 months since I moved out of my parents' house when I was 17, mind you), and he could be just the one I could be settling down with, who knows.

New shores and that

My job hasn't been very challenging lately. After the initial three months of "get in there and turn it around" my enthusiasm slumped and the project, being on the right way again, hasn't been very interesting anymore.

It's made me think that I maybe shouldn't only look for something different, maybe I should try and go into contracting. Project work limited to a rather short period of time, teams usually close to collapse, the project itself way over budget and with a deadline the next day… would suit me well.

Besides… they pay ridicoulous amounts of money, but means on the other hand that I don't have a pension, private health care or even holidays unless I take care of it myself… Let's see. Certainly something I shall keep in mind.

DML DD 289

There's good news and bad news today. The bad news first - I'm bit over £700 in credit and it will take another 10 days until the salary comes in. The good news tho (and the reason why), my cheque for the season ticket has been cashed in by West Ham United. 30 days to go!

DIY shopping

DIY shopping
Originally uploaded by pepsipics.

Never a dull moment when I'm with my man... Love the pic, taken Saturday last week in at TopTiles in Beckton. Probably about the moment I totally fell for him, silly sod.

Shortly after we had our first huge fight, and I hate the fact we live so far away and I'm skint - I probably would have travelled all the way up north to get that straight again. But I couldn't, so I shall be keeping quiet until Friday... Won't be angry anymore by then anyway, I know it.

Week 12, going strong

When I left St. Albans last night and got the train back to London, it did feel a bit weird. That "it can't be that late yet" and "I don't want the weekend to be over already" numb feeling mixed with that insanely happy grin from somewhere inside.

Truly, madly, deeply?

I think so. And there's been some moments when I thought I'm not the only one.

Tick list

So I've been to the world cup, and I kinda travelled Europe (not in a camper van, but still seen France, Belgium, Holland, Germany and Switzerland). Checked, ticked, off the list.

What else then? I don't smoke anymore, I haven't done any Charlie or other drugs since my birthday, I rarely get drunk (and not that drunk that I'm doing completely wank stuff, so apologies it's gone boring lately).

I'm an ex-smoker (day 12)

... and it doesn't really bother me. Huh. When Andy left last night I remembered having a pack of fags in the living room. And I had one. A half one. Then it got to me again and I had another one. A quarter, max.

Today I'm back at work trying to find other reasons to have a break, but I'm not really missing it. I'm an ex-smoker on day 12 and it was a piece of piss.

Hello and goodbye

Managed to survive the 10 days with only one minor fight on a generally wank day (full moon it was), my man thinking my folks don't like him (bless him), and I for one am not sure if I still want to... go on. Err. What?

See, last night was the first night on my own again, and I didn't like it. I spoke to his dad today and I thought he was sweet. I'm looking back thinking we had a faboulous time. We can talk, laugh, eat. I had a book with me (the "emergency book") in case I get bored but I didn't even read one page. I like it having him in the same room or near me and I love the way he makes me laugh. I've even stopped smoking (get this!!!). Sounds pretty much like I'm in love but I'm not.

I don't think there's a single picture of me or us. He's mentioned he doesn't know if this is going anywhere serious. There's a lot of stuff going on in his life he doesn't feel like sharing.

So it might be it's just I wouldn't let myself falling for him. Or we're just better off as mates. Time will tell.