S(w)ing it back

Right then. I've never been particularly good at being mentally stable but this takes the piss no end.

For two weeks I've been thinking I should have a break and go on a bender with mates only, no lovvey-dovvey (I really like it in the meantime which adds to the general confusion) stuff, just tell straight out "I won't be around this weekend". Good plan.

So this weekend A was around mine again, me half asleep (post-coitus doesn't really help logical thinking, does it) and before I can think I say it: "if we carry on like this I will fall for you, hun".

WTF? Anyway. I got over the shock of me saying it - and he was probably more shocked than I was anyway. So the next day we're out and about, football, drinks, food, the lot, with two other couples (yay or nay? don't know). On the way back he goes "I don't know if I'll come down to London next weekend". Now there's me interpreting this as "look I need a break", as I need one anyway, but the fact that he said it first pisses me off.

Yes, I'm one of those that would dump a bloke I like just to make sure I'm not the one dumped.

Now I'm not too sure if I really want that weekend off anyway. Because he wants it. It drives me mad. Oh, and the fact that I got caught off guard Sunday afternoon didn't help either. We came back from football and he gets ready to leave (earlier as usual), and I'm too slow to react (I'm fucking slow with shit like this anyway). And I had a lot of unanswered questions I wanted to asked. Which I asked via text message (stupid). Anyway.

I'm turning into an insecure, mad thinking, not very laid back anymore bunny boiler, and I hate it. What probably means I really like him.